In the midst of today being filled with pictures of couples, people tweeting about how much they hate Valentine’s Day, and friends celebrating each other, finally I have a bae to be with.
I would’ve never guess that this time around that I would have a boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. I have never one of anti-Valentine’s Day type of girls, but I am happy that I can finally have this experience.
When looking back on my past relationships, or “situationships” and thinking how far I’ve come, they all have become lessons to me. Though I didn’t hate Valentine’s Day, I didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t in a relationship. Looking around, most of my friends around me didn’t have boyfriends but we were all a catch and thinking, why aren’t we in relationships?
Since being a new girlfriend (for literally a month) and starting a real relationship at 23 years old, I’ve learned so much already.
You have to be confident in yourself.
Being confident goes deeper than just believing in yourself or thinking you are attractive. Going through these 20 somethings can be tough trying to find yourself and love yourself but truly it is a day to day process. If you’re not being confident in yourself, it’s easy to lose yourself within other people. That’s when you find yourself in situationships, just “talking” to person after person, and never truly being happy. In order for someone to love me, I had to love myself and be confident in every decision I chose to make.
If he wants you, he’ll get you.
You know this sounds super cliché, but I’ve learned that it is really true. We usually always yell how trash dudes are and question why we attract trash but what is the real problem? The problem is that in actuality, he doesn’t want you and you don’t love yourself enough to not deal with the trash. We’ve all dealt with the situation where you’re talking to somebody and wondering why are they playing games, when am I going to get cuffed, and so forth. I feel like once my boyfriend and I got together, I realized that if that man wants you, he’ll do everything to have you. No questions asked. Everything I needed from him was not only in his words, but his actions. It’s almost something that can’t even be explained, but once it happens, you’ll know and finally understand.
Don’t look, then you’ll find.
This is so self explanatory but the hardest to do. Just think about when you can’t find something simple in your room; you’ve been searching for days, you’re so frustrated, and you keep finding other things but not exactly what you want or need. All of a sudden one day when you least expect it, you find that one thing and you’re so excited and grateful that it finally came up. That’s exactly how my relationship started. I came to terms with being happily single and not bitter! At the time in my life when he came along, I was living my best life. I put toxic relationships behind me, I had graduated college, and just came back from my first international vacation. I was finally extremely happy with me and my life and then boom, now I’m bae’d up.
Love yourself first.
The most important factor of all of this is to truly love yourself. Like J. Cole said, “love yourself first girl or nobody will.” If you don’t truly love yourself, you’ll settle and put up with anything, which is not the move at all in 2018. That’s when you find yourself in situationships, just “talking” to person after person, and never truly being happy. In order for someone to love me, I had to love myself and be confident in everything I choose to do. You have to know what you will and will not allow and what you will and will not do and stick to it! Once I was really tired of being treated bare minimum (and you’ll know when you’re done), I bossed up on my values and morals and set them.
We’re reclaiming our time and efforts in 2018 and saving them for someone who is willing to put in the work to have you. We’re focusing on our spirits and the growth of ourselves before we put energy into someone else. Once you take control of your personal life for the betterment of yourself things seem to just fall into place and that’s when you’ll find the person you’ve been looking for.